I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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