woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
