He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
