he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
