It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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