As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
