You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
