I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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