You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
