and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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