First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
