it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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