Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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