One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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