I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He has the fingertips of a God
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