i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just threw up on my dentist
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
