My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
