we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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