hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
