we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
