No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
