Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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