It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
