Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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