K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
