she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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