just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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