her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
