My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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