I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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