He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
