Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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