I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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