my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
