lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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