What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
