I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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