just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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