Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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