im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
