i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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