fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
