Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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