literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
