i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
