More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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