its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
