i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
