Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
