Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
