i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
